My Top 10 List

So, I am a little late getting this posted...but since when have I ever been early for anything LOL... so, here it is, my Thanksgiving post. 

I love this time of year, Thanksgiving, autumn, leaves, the beginning of the Christmas season and New Year...yep, I love it.  I especially love the month of November, I know, kind of weird huh...but I do, maybe because I love cooking, being with friends and family, and cool weather, beautiful fall leaves...and of course, heart full of gratitude.  Sometimes I look at my life and am just amazed at how blessed I am, seriously, I am blessed... in so many ways.  Of course, not everything is perfect (I am still pleasantly plump..hehehe), but things are good and I feel very, very, very lucky and grateful, especially when I see so many wonderful people around me struggle with so much hardship and trials... I guess I just feel lucky.... so I just wanted to take a minute or two to express just a few things I am grateful for, of course, I can't list out everything that I am grateful for, but I was able to narrow it down to 10, so here it goes:

 1) My family

 

yeah, so we are not perfect....not even close....we laugh, we cry, we fight, we say mean things to each other, we talk really, really loud, we but head on political issues, we do crazy things, but all in all.... I love my family, and I can't imagine life without them.  I am especially grateful for the people my siblings have married...Melissa, Sarah, Matt and Adele, you hear horror stories of people's sister/brother-in-laws and how crazy they are, but I have been really blessed because of my "in-laws" rock and I am so happy my brothers and sister chose such wonderful people to marry and bring into our crazy family.  

Along with my family, I am so blessed to have these kiddos in my life, my nieces and nephews...they have brought such joy and laughter into our family, and I consider being an Aunt one of life's greatest blessings.  I am also blessed to be called "aunt" by several of my friends kids and I feel honored to be able to be a part of their lives as well.

 

2) My friends who have become my family
Wow, I think the Beatles had it right by saying "I get by with a little help from my friends"...seriously, I have the most wonderful people in my life, people I can call on when I am feeling down, discouraged, overwhelmed, stressed out, bored,  need a good laugh, need a good cry, and no matter where they live..near or far, or how much time comes and goes in between seeing them, we can always easily reconnect.   Friendship is something that I value and take seriously, so having good friends in my life is more important that gold, silver, and even chocolate or Diet Coke...so thank you friends!  Thank you for being in my life!

3) A job I like and great people to work with
It's not always perfect, but I love that fact that I can leave work at work, I have flexible hours, and awesome coworkers...even the really eccentric ones LOL.  I have made some really great friends working at the DLC and feel blessed to be able to have not only a job, but one that for the most part, I enjoy going to.
 

4) Laughter
"Humanity has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand". — Mark Twain

5) Good mental health
Seriously, I thank my Heavenly Father almost every day for my mental health...maybe it is a weird thing to thank him for but if you worked in the same field as I do (some of you might), than you how much easier life is if you don't have to struggle with mental health issues....  Statistics are that 1 out of every 4 people have a mental illness...that is a staggering number.  Mental illness doesn't show on the outside, but it is a silent struggle/battle/fight that a lot of people I know, some very close to me deal with every day...and I am extremely grateful that I personally don't have to have that struggle.  Life is tough for everyone, but even tougher for those with a mental illness.  Although my life isn't perfect, nor has it worked out as I had planned back when I was a young girl... I can still wake up each morning and find joy and happiness in just being alive... and I think that comes a lot easier for me because I have been blessed to not have the added challenge of things like depression, anxiety, mood swings, personality disorders, delusions, compulsions, ect...and I recognize the gift of good mental health that I have been given, and it is one that I am thankful for, because like with anything else, it could always change.   

6) Spirituality and my religious beliefs
I love my Savior, I know He lives and is aware of me.  I am thankful for  modern day prophets.  I love the gospel of Jesus Christ and the principles that are taught in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I am thankful for parents who taught me those principles when I was young, and for church leaders and friends that have helped me figure out who I am, which as it says in the Relief Society Proclimation "I am a beloved spirit daughter of God, and my life has meaning, purpose and direction".

7) 2012 and the many great experiences I have had this year and new people who have come into my life

I will post more about this later, but this time last year I made a decision and committment to "Sieze the Day"....to take back control of my life and make the year I turned 40 one of the best years of my life...and I will say with all of my heart, that 2012 truely has been one of the best years ever, for many reasons and I am grateful for all of the experience I have had this year and for both my old and new friends who have played such an intregal part of it!

8) Physical health improvements over the past year
I will be starting 2013 (provided the world doesn't end on 12/21/12) 30 lbs lighter (I know that might not sound like a lot...but to me it is) than I was last year, several inches smaller... and several months under my belt of consistently going to the gym.  Last spring when I stepped into the gym, I was a little nervous and intimidated... this morning when I went to the gym...and almost every time I go I am greeted by name and I don't even have to show them my membership card...they have it memorized because I come often enough...yay!  I am thankful for those who have supported me with this goal...especially my gym buddy Jen.  I will also be starting this new year with the same resolve to continue on my weight loss journey, no matter how long it might take me.  I have better physical stamina than I had last year and I feel better physically than I have in a long time. 

9) A roof over my head
I have been living in this apartment for 6 years, it honestly feels like home to me and I am grateful that I can come home every day to a roof over my head.  I drive by the homeless shelter on my way to work every day which reminds me over and over again, how lucky I am to have a place to call home. 

10) Peace and balance in my life (mostly)

How Millie got her groove back....

So, I know this blog was primarily set up to focus on my goal of losing weight and getting healthier, but like I have explained in some of my earlier posts... getting emotionally healthier was part of my year of taking control of my life.  One of the things that I decided to try was online dating...yep, you heard it... I have joined the ranks of many other desperate and not so desperate singles looking for love...  I have many funny stories from my online adventures, some good... some not so good... but all adventures.  When I first got online and saw some of my options... let's just say, I was scared... really, really, really scared... I debated posting these pictures, but I couldn't help it (I figure if they were willing to put it online, then I can repost it)... these are ACTUAL pictures from the website I have been using...

Now, I am guessing that these guys are probably nice, and maybe even mocking my profile pic at the moment... but really, what's with the seductive pose with the stuffed animal, or the deal with yellow flower? 

Anyway, I digress... I did have to switch my thinking a little in order to not get discouraged... once I did that, online dating became kind of fun... a challenge.... an adventure.  I think why I resisted online dating so much in the first place was the fear of getting rejected... that somebody would look at my profile and say, wow, she is too fat for me, or too ugly, or I hate girls with short hair.... blah, blah, blah... my running joke was "why would I pay to get rejected by boys when that happens to me all the time in real life for free".  Interestingly enough, as I got online and started searching all the profiles, I rejected a lot of them, just like they could potentially be doing with me, so it no longer became a fearful thing... I no longer feared rejection from men.. because if they rejected me online, I honestly would never know so why was I so worried.  Once that switch was flipped in my head, I had a whole new perspective on things (also going to a therapist helped a bit too).  Anyway, some day in the future I will share my tips with online dating since I have had several people tell me I should write a book.... but, I'm tired and that will have to be another day. 

So over the past year, I have gone out with 12 men... yep, 12... that is 11 more men than I have gone out with in the past 10 years (sad but true).  All these years I have been going to a singles church group, trying to find men (and spirituality of course), hoping that some boy would notice me and my awesomeness and declare their undying love for me... but nobody did.  Then, when I went online, I met lots of people who were interested in me enough to to want to go out with me... it was kind of empowering in a way.  I was no longer just a participate in life... waiting for the man of my dreams to be dropped on my doorstep, but I was out, actively searching for him.  The first boy I went out with was a really great experience for me.  He was a cowboy, simple, nice, easy to talk to, and just a good guy.  Even though that didn't work out, I still think he is a good guy, who feared commitment and just wasn't ready for a serious relationship.  There were a couple more guys over the months... several that had an interest in me, but none that I was particularly interested in.  I look at online dating kind of like interviewing for a job... you got to throw a lot of resumes out there to find a job... so that is what I did.  In the summer I met another person, my latin lover... and that is how I got my "groove" back.  Now here is where this post gets a little personal...I have kissed a couple of boys in my life... but none in the last 15 years, sad but true...I even "dated" and I use that term loosely a guy over the period of 2 years back in 2007 and we never kissed... or even held hands... but on the second date, my LL just went in for the "kill" when I wasn't expecting it and kissed me... and we kissed for awhile... sadly, that kissing was not all that enjoyable, but for the first time in years, I actually felt like I could potentially be desirable...even if I was fat.  The story of the whole kissing episode was funny, since most of you know, I am not a touch feely person and barely hug my friends... so having a man all up in my grill was way too much for me to process at once... a little overwhelming..  but again, it was a confidence booster.. maybe I was desirable.... As some of you know, that relationship was on and off quite often, so I decided to continue to date other people... I had a month or two when I had consistently lined up 2 or 3 dates in a week, all with different men.  It was crazy, fun, tiring, awesome, stressful all at the same time.  Several men I went out with numerous times, some I only met up with once, and even a few I talked to on the phone and decided before the meeting that we would NOT be a good match.  Anyway, I met two other men who have profoundly changed my life.. in a good way... and gave me one of the most precious gifts I have ever received... the gift of being with a guy and feeling like I was "enough"... that I was pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough... and desirable enough.  One of the guys, I will not actual use his name... is someone who I will care about forever, who changed me, and I will always love and care about him, but I was not in love with him.  He would tell me all the time, things like "You know Millie you are actually much pretty than you give yourself credit for", or "I have never met anyone like you, you are not like anyone I have gone out with, you are special".  He valued me for me, I felt like he was one of the few guys that I had met that actually "got me".  Of course with the talking and emotional connection, there was also a lot... and I mean a LOT of kissing... all of which I enjoyed, and again boosted my confidence and helped me change some perceptions of myself that I had held onto for years ...  Of course along with the good (he is an amazingly tender hearted guy), there was the bad...he has a lot of issues and in getting to know each other, I realized that we have very different goals and values, so after a night of shedding many a tear, on both of our parts, I had to have the "talk" with him, and boy was it hard, and let him go as a romantic interest and be "just friends".  Again, he is someone that I will always care about and be grateful for meeting.  The other guy who has profoundly changed my life... well folks he and I are "in a relationship"... we are dating seriously and I have now cancelled my online account... he is my boyfriend...yep, I said it, I have a boyfriend... and I think he is AWESOME.  He has 5 kids...yep, I said it 5 kids... from the ages of 6-13, but I have yet in my single life found a boy I enjoy being with more than him.  He is funny, goofy, energetic, steady, determined, kind, easy going, emotionally stable, faithful member of my church, overcome a lot of challenges without letting them get him down and an awesome dad... and most important... adores me (lol, it's all about me...hehe) and I adore him.  So there you have it, I have publicly announced that I have a serious boyfriend...whoa, big, big, big step for me.  Anyway, in any relationship there is always the possibility that things might not work out, and of course that is a possibility with this relationship, but for now, I am going to enjoy every minute of it and move forward with the hope that this one will work out... and I will of course post some pictures later...

 

So there you have it, how I got my groove back, and one of the reasons that I haven't been posting as frequently as I should. 

 

Thanks again for following!  I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life... so thank you! 

 

The zombies are coming....

So a couple of months ago I saw an advertisement for a very interesting 5k race called "Night of the Running Dead Race" where everyone comes either dressed like zombies or humans.... so, I signed up and posted on facebook to have others come and join me.  Now, I am NOT a runner, nor did I even plan on running any part of the race, I just wanted to participate in something active where at the end I could feel like I accomplished something...and luckily several of my friends saw the post and decided to join in the fun and do the race too. 

Before the race several people came over to my house for some "pre-run" festivities, we chatted, laughed, ate, and just enjoyed getting all made up in our zombie gear and preparing for the race.    Because all of my friends are at different fitness levels than me, we all seemed to get a little separated at the beginning...well, except for me and my sweet friend Beth who decided to hang back and take things slow with me.  As we began the race I swear to you it was all up hill... really up hill... and I was so not prepared for that and I seemed to go slower than even I thought I would be going, but I had Beth by my side and we just chatted as we walked...up hill... but we kept walking.  Part of the course was to walk through a neighborhood and the awesome part was that most of the people living in that neighborhood were all out on their porch cheering the runners on... even Beth and I, the very last ones in the race... but they were out there, cheering.... encouraging us to keep going.  I think it would have been pretty fun to watch 3000 runners come through your neighborhood...some dressed as zombies all chasing the humans... awesome.  Anyway, literally Beth and I were the very last people in the race... but still, there were people standing on the sidelines cheering. There were several points during the course where I just wanted to give up, I was getting tired, it was uphill, my legs and feet were killing me... but we kept going... sadly, after about 2.25 miles, we got lost, yes, I said lost... because we were so behind everyone else, there was nobody directing the runners/walkers anymore and we took a wrong turn that ended up with us at the finish line, without actually finishing the entire race...  it was kind of funny really... but hey, what can you do... I am still claiming that I finished the race LOL and it was a fun evening! 

Later on in the week the race got me thinking just about how in life we all need people on the sidelines cheering us on... even when life seems hard, and it's all uphill, we need someone who will tell us to "hang in there" or "keep going".... people who will stay by our side through the difficult times... we all need cheerleaders just to get by... and luckily I am blessed to have many cheerleaders in my life..  and I can't tell you how much you all mean to me!  I am truly one lucky chick! 

Just for fun

This is how I am feeling today.... Just thought I would share it!  LOL

I'd rather be a comma

So one of my favorite feel good songs is "Every Teardrop is a Waterfall" by Coldplay. I could seriously listen to this song over and over again.. it just makes me happy.   One of my favorite lines from it is... "I'd rather be a comma than a full stop" which I have now kind of turned into a life "mantra"..... I'd rather be a comma...

The last couple of weeks have been a little bit crazy, busy, stressful, overwhelming and I had a viral infection for about a week and a half where all I did was cough all day...and I mean all day and night long, I felt awful, crappy, and even missed like 4 days of work.  I also had my roommate move out and been trying to find a new one, and dealing with all that, I have gone out on a couple of dates and trying to balance that with the rest of my friends and family, and because I have been sick, and all the other stuff, I really have not been very diligent or focused on my weight loss efforts.  Because I have been feeling so crappy the past couple of weeks I haven't been to the gym in about 2 weeks, I haven't been consistently writing down what I eat and paying attention to calories/ww points, I have ate out more than I should and haven't made all the right choices and I have even fallen back into my old habit of "over booking" myself.  With all this going on though I NEVER once thought... "I'm just going to give up, this weight loss thing is too hard"... no, it was more like "I really miss the gym, I need to feel better soon" or "I need to feel better so I can go back to planning and prepping my meals instead of going out or just grabbing something".  When I am going to the gym, doing my meal planning, writing down what I eat, attending my weight watchers meeting and and updating my blog... I feel more in control of my life, and I have missed feeling in control for the past couple of weeks!  I went to the gym yesterday and it felt AWESOME!   So even though I took a brief "pause" for the past couple of weeks.. I did not come to a "full stop"... yay!  It was also a great reminder to me of how important this journey is for me...there will be "pauses" along the way I am sure, but I don't want to ever come to a "full stop".  So, I am writing this for all of you who may be on "pause" for a bit as well as a reminder to keep going... don't stop.  I am also writing this so when I come to a "pause" again, I can remember why I started in the first place.. to feel better and more in control of my life. 

Thanks again for following my blog and all your supportive comments!  Take a minute to listen to the song, even if you have already heard it a million times, I think it deserves another listen, especially to the lyrics...

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly....

Where has September gone?  Seriously, it is going to be Fall in just a few days.  This summer has flown by.  I don't know why, but I am having writers block or something and I can't think of anything really witty or charming to say in this post, but I thought I needed to post... so, it's going to be a bunch of random thoughts...Good, Bad and Ugly

The Good:
Several times over the past week or so when I didn't want to go to the gym or track my points... I did it anyway... so whoot whoot!   There was a night last week when I didn't want to go to the gym or my weight watchers meeting but I basically talked myself into going, and then since I had already gone to the gym, I was able to talk myself into going to my weigh in, lost 1.2 pounds... so I am glad I did.  One of the good things as well, is that even though the weight loss has been slow... I am still committed to it and still going to the gym and trying (some days are better than others) to follow the weight watchers plan and track everything... but I'm still here!  Yay!   I just keep thinking that even if I only loose 25 pounds every 8 months, that is still 25 pounds less than I was 8 months ago... so, regardless of how fast or slow it comes off... it's still coming off  so YAY!  Oh, and somebody actually noticed my weight loss and asked if I had been losing weight.. so, that is also exciting and a really good thing.  I also was really proud of myself over the past couple of weeks paying better attention to serving sizes...  I had purchased this very small container (I think like the half pint) of ice cream in my new favorite flavor Black Raspberry Dark Chocolate (it is the Premium Select Brand from Smith's) and instead of just eating the container in one serving, I followed the portion sizes which was 4 servings (very, very small servings) and ate it over a week.  I know, it seems like a stupid thing to be proud of, but to me, it is proof of some of the small changes that I am making on this journey to become healthier and lose weight.

The Bad:
So I am still struggling to figure out how to still be able to eat out with friends, but stay within my weight watchers points.  I don't know why but social eating is a big thing for me and when I am out at a great restaurant surrounded by amazingly delicious food choices...it's hard for me to always choose the "grilled chicken" option.  For example next week I am going with some friends from out of town to Red Lobster...like I am not going to eat one or two of their amazing cheesy biscuits and some sort of seafood covered in butter... I only go there like twice a year and I am not going to just order the grilled chicken, that would not be any fun at all!  So friends, any ideas on how I can do better with staying within my points while eating out?

 The Ugly:
Well, at my work luncheon the other day I ate 3 desserts from Kneaders (they were however darn delicious and worth all 25 points).... I also had been craving a hamburger, for like a week and I finally broke down and went to the drive thru on one of my lunch breaks and got one of these babies... the Jr. Pastrami Burger....oh, it is like heaven, so tasty.  When people ask me what my hypothetical last meal would be it usually involves Crown Burger..although if it was my last meal I would order the Jr Crown.. but would go for the big one.. the full Crown, the heart attack in a bag.  Anyway, I digress.. I guess the good thing about my lunch date with Crown Burger would be that I recorded it in my daily points, even though I didn't want to (it's a lot of calories... and a ton of points) and I got back on track the next day.   

So there you have it friends.. my life for the past couple of weeks, well not everything about my life LOL... so thanks for following, and I always welcome any suggestions from readers or things you all have found successful in your weight loss journey. 

 

Thanks for following!

Pity Party for One...

Welcome to my "pity party for one" post..I think everyone has those days when they feel a little discouraged and throw themselves a "pity party for one".. so this blog is about my latest party...

For some reason I have been feeling a little discouraged this past week...yes, sometimes I get discouraged.. trust me, it is just as hard for me to admit this as it is for you all to believe it about me.. LOL.  Anyway, several things happened... I found out that a guy I had been talking to that I met online had recently been arrested then let out on bail and prior to that spent time in an Idaho prison, of course none of this was disclosed to me by him, I found it out by using my super duper investigation skills, and once I found out and called him on it I promptly cancelled my date and block him from ever contacting me again.... all I can say is good thing that I am a safety gal when it comes to online "dating" and do a bunch of online search to make sure they are not some sort of criminal... no matter how nice they come across or how innocent they look..my single lady friends, you NEED to do a search before you go out with them.. sorry, I digress... anyway the whole thing just left me kind of discouraged and disappointed... seriously, are there any good, honest, genuine, straight, faithful single men out there...I certainly have yet to meet any, sad but true.  To get over this discouragement I called on some of my favorite peeps to spend the weekend with....I had so much fun with each one of them and I was quickly reminded of how great my life is, and how lucky I am to be surrounded by friends who are filled with positivity, love and laughter.  I have a really blessed life..with or without a man and I started to feel a whole lot better... seriously, no party is fun when you are by yourself... and pity parties are NEVER fun... so I would much rather party it up with my peeps.

I was also feeling a little discouraged that despite tracking my food intake, not eating out for two weeks, and going to the gym my weight loss journey has been slow, very slow and it will probably continue to be slow considering that I have about 100 more pounds to lose..this is going to be a long, long, long journey... it seems like every time I have tried to lose weight in the past, I get to the exact same weight that I am at now, and I get discouraged about how much I have left to lose and I give up... and I don't want to give up this time.. Today when I was out with one of my fabulous friends we went out for lunch and I ordered a appetizer, entree and we split a dessert because I kind of had a "screw it all moment" and just ate what I wanted.  After eating all that food, it's not like it made me feel any better or less discouraged, I mostly just felt overly full and out of control with the eating.  In my mind I was also thinking about not going to the gym tonight... but then it happened.. the boost I needed.  While we were at the movie theater I ran into a friend of mine that I hadn't seen in about 3-4 months and one of the first things she said to me was "Camille you look like you have lost weight, have you".  Now this friend doesn't know anything about me and my blog, my desire to lose weight or even that I have been going to the gym... but she noticed!  Yay!  God bless Luisa for noticing and commenting on my efforts!  Seriously, I didn't think anyone could see a difference, including myself (although a lot of my clothes are even loser than they normally are).  That brief little interaction was all I needed to get me out of my "funk", and not only did I go to the gym, but I also packed my meals for the week and tracked all the food that I ate for the day...which was scary... basically I ate 80 weight watcher points today... I'm only supposed to eat 47 each day... but it doesn't matter, I tracked my food, went to the gym and prepared for the rest of the week...so I am back on track.. this "pity party for one" is OVER!  This is going to be a good week... I can feel it! 

4 Hours of Work= 1 Week of Deliciousness

LA couple of weeks I was inspired by my friend and gym buddy Jen to "kick things up a notch" and follow her example of spending one day a week making food for the upcoming week.  She has been doing this for a little while now and told me how much it helps her out during the week... plus, she has lost some weight by doing so, and I thought.. why shouldn't I give it a try as well.... so I did.  The last two Sundays I spent about 3-4 hours fixing meals for the week...all my meals for the week, including breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.. impressive right?  Yeah, sometimes I even impress myself with the stuff I can do when I put my mind to it LOL.  I will admit, the first week it took a lot, and I mean a lot of planning and prep work, first you have to make a menu, then put together a shopping list, go shopping, then come home and prepare everything.. and then there is the worst part of it... the clean up... but I can honestly tell you that it has been so worth it!  It has been so wonderful to come home every night and already have something delicious ready to eat, with little or no prep... and very, very, little clean up!  What has been even more exciting is preparing my lunch for the next day.. it takes like 2 minutes because again, everything has already been prepared, I just have to throw it into my lunch box and I am ready to go.  It was such a success last week that I decided to do it again this Sunday...whew.. so yesterday I did all my shopping and today, all the cooking.. and now look at my fridge... I feel like it could be pinterest worthy it's so organized.. LOL

   
I will post some of the recipes of the things I made... everything turned out delicious.. and healthy, but until then, here are a few pictures of my creations....

Roasted Corn and Tomato Soup

Chicken Skewers with Garlic Roasted Green Beans

Mini Egg Cups with Ham

Other things I made were berry cups, Charred Corn, Brown Rice & Black Bean salad, and chicken salad sandwiches.  There are a couple of tricks I have learned from doing this two weeks in a row...

1.  Go to the farmers market... so much fresh delicious produce at really reasonable prices (I go ever Saturday during the summer... it's like a tradition for me) and plan your menu around what's in season

2.  Buy stackable (if you don't have it already), reusable Tupperware so it will easily fit in the fridge and you don't have a bunch of random sized containers that you try and shove in there

3.  Cut up vegetables and bag them in individual servings so you can just "grab and go"

4.  Costco is your friend... even if you are only cooking for one... seriously, they have a lot of yummy "pre-cooked" meats that will save you a ton of time, like pre cooked bacon and chicken

5.  Line your baking sheets with tin-foil when roasting anything... saves sooo much time on the clean-up

6.  Be creative.. who would have thought to cook scrambled eggs in muffin tins... not me, luckily there is Pinterest...

Well ... I think that is all for now folks... thanks again for following.  I would love to hear from you all on any ideas that you have for plan ahead meals... and/or your tips and tricks! 

I survived week 1 of NO eating out!

So... I did it!  I survived 1 whole week without eating out!  Yay!  Now to survive week two.  I got on the scale today and I am down 3 pounds... and I am pretty sure that not eating out, and pre planning and cooking all my meals for the week is the reason why.  I have had to get really creative on getting my social fix, since eating out has always been a big part of it.. but so far so good.  On Saturday instead of eating out with my good friend Cheree, we made lunch at her house and were able to just hang out and talk... oh, and plan her upcoming wedding..and you all know how much I love to party plan... so good day!  I will admit that I have really been craving a hamburger.. and I don't really eat hamburgers all that much, but of course you always seem to crave the things that you can't have... or at least I do.  Now the trick for me is going to be to incorporate eating out... but on a limited basis and learning to make healthy choices when eating out and not using it as an excuse to "go crazy" and eat whatever I want.  So wish me luck on week two!

My name is Camille, and I am a social eater...

Yes, I am going to admit it... I am a social eater.  I have never been one to "eat my feelings", I rarely have anything in my house that would be considered "junk food".. I don't keep ice cream, chips, cookies or even chocolate in my house (never have), I really don't love fast food other than an occasional Jr. pastrami burger from Crown Burger..and a sandwich from Subway, but that is really it... but I LOVE, Love, love good food and being with friends, so I find myself eating out a lot... and way more than I should. 


Eating out with 2 of my besties... I hope they don't mind I used the pic LOL

When you love food, food becomes more of an activity than just away to feed your body.  Most people would consider me a "foodie" I could watch the Food Network 24/7, and I love trying new restaurants, I love local places, fun eateries, pizzerias and just darn good food.  I also love being with my friends... so over the years I have learned to combine my love of food with my love of friends and I end up eating out a lot, which means I spend a lot of money of food.  I also have been blessed to know a lot of really great people from different work/social circles that I have become really close with over the years, along with my core group of amazing life long friends that I have known for many years... so I have a lot of people to eat out with.  I am also a "yellow" personality I love to be social so... again, eating out for me became the easiest (and yummiest) way to spend time being with great people.   I'm a little ashamed to admit this, but this week alone (which was a typical week for me) I went out to dinner/lunch with different friends 5 times (Zupa's twice, Kneader, Texas Roadhouse, and Green Papaya)... and of course, it was fun, and delicious... but very hard to track let alone stay within my weight watchers points...  I hope none of this comes off as conceited... it sounds a little egocentric, but I am not meaning it to be.. just trying to explain why it is that I eat out a lot.

All this eating out does reflect a lot on the scales... and no matter how much I exercise.. if I don't stop all of this social eating.. I am never going to lose the weight I need to.  I have decided to offer myself a challenge... for the next 2 weeks... I will NOT eat out at all.  Yep, you heard it... I am abstaining from eating out for 2 whole weeks.  This one is going to be tough for me... really, really, really tough, and I am going to need all the support I can get from you all...and your words of encouragement.. it is going to be an interesting 2 weeks, and I will definitely keep you posted! 

Sweating the small stuff...

I know, I know, isn't it "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff"... yes, it is, but I have changed it to "Do Sweat the small stuff... why you ask...well, let me tell you.

The other night I started to have a mini pity party for myself over this boy that I had recently briefly dated.  We met online, the relationship came on pretty fast and furious...I got kind of overwhelmed that everything seemed to be happening so fast.. and I found myself really wanting to go to the gym to work off some of the stress I was feeling.  Then, several weeks later, just as fast as the relationship started, it ended.. or I think it ended... not sure, he just seemed to disappear.. and once again I found myself stressed about things (yes friends.. relationships STRESS me out) and had a desire to go to the gym to "feel better".  One night last week when I was feeling particularly bummed out about things (okay so I was having a pity party for one)... I decided to get out of the house and go to the gym instead of staying at home and wallowing in self doubt and pity.  At the gym I worked out hard, probably harder than I have in the past couple of months... I had my music blasting, and I kicked butt on that elliptical and ARC machines... when I was done, I felt AWESOME!  I felt strong, proud, and in control, I guess I would say that I felt empowered.  I walked away with a new perspective on things and feeling happy (I also spent 15 minutes in the massage chairs...which might have helped as well).  So instead of turning to food for comfort, I turned to the gym.  Go me!  Yay!  When I got home I went to fill out my exercise log that I have been keeping and noticed that I had made it to the gym 4 times per week for the past 7 weeks!  I have formed a habit!  So instead of spending the night feeling rejected, sad, lonely, and angry... I spent an hour at the gym and and the rest of the night feeling empowered, strong, in control and accomplished... a way better option that a pity party for one.  In essence, I literally "sweated" over some small stuff in my life... and felt great.. so, my new motto is "Do Sweat out the small stuff". 

I think I might have actually made going to the gym a habit, and a priority, and in doing that I have been able to maintain my weight loss over the past couple of weeks even with a road trip, the beginning and end of a new relationship, craziness at work, and two weeks of my sister and her family being in town which included a lot of potlucks and access to sweets and chips...  during all of that, I still made it to the gym, and as a result, stayed the EXACT same weight.  Maybe the gym is becoming my new "comfort food"...  woot woot!  I guess this means that I am progressing on the "real changes" I need to be more healthy and lose the weight.. and I need to start a new exericse log! 

Anyway, thanks for your support everyone and for letting me ramble on!  Love you all! 

Free Space

Over the past couple of weeks I have really been doing a lot of thinking, and I thought I would share some of my "deep thoughts" with you...well, as deep as my thoughts actually get.. I promise, they do relate to weight loss and getting healthy... but you know me, I'm kind of long winded and not the best writer.. but here it goes:

As I said in my first post, at the beginning of January I had this "ah ha" moment where a took a hard look at my life, the good, the bad and the ugly.. and decided that I needed to make some changes in many areas of my life in order to move forward.  I guess I was feeling a little "stuck in a rut", and I wanted out of the rut.  It's not like I was unhappy with my life, I wasn't... I am and have always been extremely happy and grateful for my life and have always tried to live every minute of it...but, none the less, I was feeling "stuck"... stuck in relationships, stuck in situations that weren't making me happy, stuck in my job, stuck in being overweight, ect.  I guess to sum it up, I was stuck in apathy.... 

Apathy (also called impassivity or perfunctoriness) is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and passion. An apathetic individual has an absence of interest in or concern about emotional, social, spiritual, philosophical and/or physical life.

They may lack a sense of purpose or meaning in their life. He or she may also exhibit insensibility or sluggishness. In positive psychology, apathy is described as a result of the individual feeling they do not possess the level of skill required to confront a challenge (i.e. "Flow"). It may also be a result of perceiving no challenge at all (e.g. the challenge is irrelevant to them, or conversely, they have learned helplessness).

This "ah ha" moment came after I had gotten into a sticky situation at work and I felt extremely powerless to get out of it... the whole situation is a long story, but basically, I got caught up in some  "drama" with several very negative and disgruntled employees at my job.  I think because people have always felt comfortable coming to me with their problems... many people in the office would come to me and well, in listening to them, I too started focusing on all of the negative things about my job..and I ended up being called on the carpet for it by my boss.. she expressed her concerns that I had become negative and gossipy and that she was disappointed in me.  I was so disheartened by the whole situation disengaged from almost everyone and everything at my work... and for those who know me well... that is totally not me.  I have always taken pride in my work ethic and have always considered  myself to be a really good team member and employee.  The situation left me kind of powerless...at least that is what I thought....then one day, things changed and I had the "ah ha" moment.  This moment happened at a staff meeting in which our boss had invited someone from our Employee Assistance Program (EAP) to come and talk to us about our EAP benefits.  Up until that point, I didn't even know we had EAP benefits, but the discussion sparked my interest so I listened carefully as the presenter talked about how we (each employee) had access to free therapy benefits to help us with any life situation we were dealing with, or even just problems we were having at work.  It was like a light went on and I saw a way to get some help talking through a couple of things that had been weighing me down... so immediately following the meeting, I called and made an appointment... and that my friends, is where the change began.  Now, I have never seen a therapist, and I never really thought I needed to see a therapist because I wasn't feeling depressed but when the offer of free short term "life assistance" was offered, it was like I felt someone had thrown me rope to help me out of some of the negative and consuming life situations I had gotten myself into.  So, that is when I committed to myself that 2012 was going to MY year, it was going to be the year that I take back control of my life.... and I was going to get out of that "rut" I have been in for the past several years.. 

My sessions with my therapist were AWESOME.  It was like having my own personal life coach to help me analyze what was going good and what wasn't with my life and how I could change things.  We discussed many, many things.. but one of my favorite sessions was when discussed how the "old Camille" would handle things and how the "new me" could handle things.  As we were talking, he got out his laptop and said, "I am writing these down, so you can remember them and see them everyday", seven months later.. I still have that piece of paper hanging on my wall so I can read it everyday.. and I do and here is what it says:

"My past does not determine my future"

"I am as valuable of a person as everyone else"

"Just because I have had some negative experiences, it doesn't mean they have to

control my life"

When we read them out loud at that session, I began to cry...not because I was sad, but because I was happy.  It felt like for the first time in my life somebody had given me permission to let go... that it was okay to move forward...and that I deserved to take control of my life.... it felt AWESOME and so empowering... 

After that meeting, I made a decision that there were a couple of people in my life who I had somewhat unhealthy relationships with that I needed to cut ties with in order to move forward in my own life, and take care of me.  I also needed to fix the situation at my work, along with do something about my weight.  Letting go of some of the people in my life was hard... really, really, really hard.. but it needed to be done.  Taking back control of my situation at work was really, really, really hard as well.. but I did it, and I have gotten nothing but praise from my bosses since then ( I was even one of the very few in the office that got a raise).   I also made the commitment to start going to the gym and watch more closely what I eat.  Since January I have lost 20 pounds... and I am now regularly going to the gym and pushing myself harder at the gym than I ever have before.. and I feel great. I even joined a online dating website...yep, you heard it... and have gone out on more dates since January then I have been on in the last 5 years... (some good..some not so good LOL).  Of course the last 7 months have had their ups and downs.. but overall turning 40 and 2012 have been AMAZING.. and it is only going to get better. 

When I was talking to one of my really wise friends the other day, she made a super insightful observation about this year for me... she said "Camille look at all the progress you have made on your 2012 goal of taking care of you... by getting rid of the negative in your life, it has freed up your time to let the positive back into it....and has left some space for God to let good things come into your life".. and she was right!  I now have the emotional "free space" to let good things back into my life, and may good things have come back into my life over the past year.  I have been able to reconnect with some wonderful people from my past that for some reason, maybe because I was so consumed with the negative situations in my life,  we lost contact with each other.. and reconnecting with them has brought some incredible blessing to me and I am incredibly grateful.  I have also had the emotional free space to accomplish some things that I have been wanting to do for a long time... like enjoying the beauty of nature, spending more time with family and friends, and even a little dating ... of course, I still have things that I am working on.. like taking care of my finances and cleaning out my room and getting rid of stuff I don't need... but baby steps right?

So, why did I share all of this with you?  I guess I just want to thank you for being a part of my life and for supporting me and encouraging me to continue on in my journey.  I would also like to offer a challenge to you, my readers, to take a few minutes to look at the things in your lives that may be halting you from moving forward... taking up all your "free space"...  and if there are those "space invaders" I would encourage you to make the changes necessary to make room, clear some emotional space, so that God can fill it with all the good things He has in store for you, and each of us.

Love you all!  Thanks for following!

Strength

So the past week or so has been crazy...mostly great, but some parts a little tough.  One of the things that made it a little rough was that at my last weigh in, I gained 2 pounds.  Yes, you heard it... I am admitting that I gained.  At first I was a little bit upset at myself, discouraged, frustrated, and felt like giving up... I even caught myself thinking "why do I even try, I'm never going to lose this weight"?  I thought about leaving before the WW meeting because I was so discouraged....but I didn't, I stayed and I am so glad I did.  We had a great discussion about how everyone is going to have moments of discouragement during their weight loss journey, we are all going to "slip up", all of us will have moments when we gain, plateau,  or not follow our food plan perfectly or even make excuses to not go to the gym... and in those moments, along with "life moments" we have the opportunity to just give up... or to start again.. and with the support and love of my family & friends (all of you), I am choosing to be strong.. and start again! 

A couple of weeks ago at one of my WW meetings, this lady come into the classroom sobbing.. and I don't mean just crying, but literally sobbing.  Someone had asked her why she crying and she could barely get out the words.. but ended up saying "I did it, I finally did it.. I hit my 100 pound weight loss".  At that point the whole room burst out into cheers and clapping, it was really inspiring.. but what was more inspiring is listening to her talk about her "journey".  She said it had taken her 7 years to loose the weight.. 7 years!  That's a whole lot of perseverance, starting over and over again and picking herself up when knocked down... but she did it!  So, although I am hoping it doesn't take me 7 years to lose the weight I need... it was a great reminder to hang in there... good things come to those who put in the blood sweat and tears... to those who persist and continue to start over, even when it's tough.. which I think is good advice both in weight loss and life in general.  Be strong friends!

Thanks for letting me share the ramblings of my of the week with you!   Love you all! 

What the scale DOESN'T tell us

Today was my weigh in day at Weight Watchers (WW).. and for the second week in a row, I stayed the exact same weight! Yep! I have been working out 4-5 times per week, tracking all of my points and staying within my allotment... yet, I have still stayed virtually the exact same weight (I guess I did go down .4ounces today). So that said... I had a BREIF moment of discouragement but the thought of giving up did NOT even cross my mind.. not even once... now I would say, that is progress! The old me would have seen that number on the scale again for the second week in a row and said to hell with it......but not the new me! The scale does not... and I repeat.. does not know everything!

What my scale and that number doesn't tell me and others is how much better I feel since I have been working out... how much stronger I feel, how much more in control of my life I feel. Several months ago I could barely finish 10 minutes on the elliptical...now, I can do 3 miles on that same machine in 35 minutes. It doesn't tell me how great I have done when eating out with friends by choosing an extra side of vegetables instead of the potato option that I really wanted. It doesn't tell me how much looser my clothes are fitting, or how much less IBU I have been taking each day for back problems... all it gives me is a number. That's it! A number.. nothing more!

This experience really got me thinking....why do we focus so much on the scale and not how we feel. Why do we rely on the scale to tell us if we have had a good week or a bad week (or day for those of you who weigh yourselves daily). Why do we let that number determine how we feel about ourselves? Why do we give the scale the power to make us discouraged and want to give up, or motivate us starve ourselves just so that damn number can go down? Seriously, the scale can only give us a number... It doesn't know how fabulous we are.. and we are way more important that a number.

Anyway, those were my random thoughts for the day! Don't forget that friends... you are all fabulous and I feel blessed to know each and every one of you! Thank you to everyone who has been supporting me on this journey! You ROCK!

My "Songs that Make Me Happy to Workout" Playlist

I am a huge music buff and love cranking up my favorite tunes and dancing around to the beat (of course this only occurs when I am alone in my house).  I've even been known to break out into what I like to call "Car Dancing" when one of my favorite songs comes on the radio which is quite entertaining for the other cars on the road.. I am sure several people at the gym have even noticed me on the eliptical machine swaying with the music.. I have caught myself even humming outloud without noticing it.. obviously... I LOVE MUSIC!  When I started going back to the gym I put together a new playlist to help keep me motivated while working out.  I think there is now like 200 songs on the right now, and I thought I would share a few of them with you, in case you were needed a few new tunes to keep you motivated as well. 

One of my most frequently played workout songs is by Gym Class Heroes called "The Fighter".  I religiously start out every workout with this song because it is so motivating for me.  If you haven't heard this song yet, you can watch the video of it below.  I am seriously obsessed with this song for so many reasons... the most obvious reason is the message.  It reminds me that no matter what your struggle is.. where you came from, or how hard you have it...to  just hang in there and KEEP FIGHTING.

Other songs on my playlist that I've titled "Songs that Make Me Happy to Workout" (yes, that is really what I named it):

Comback Kid - Brett Dennen
Say Hey (I love You)-Michael Franti  and Spearhead
Sexy Back-Justin Timberlake (edited version).... (don't judge me for loving this song)
What Makes you Beautiful - One Direction
Every Teardrop is a Waterfall - Coldplay
Stronger- Kelly Clarkson
Love Today - Mika
Runaway- Mat Kearney
Tonight Tonight - Hot Chelle Ray
Break me Out - The Rescues
Big Girl You are Beautiful - Mika
Love you Like a Love Song - Selena Gomez
Way to the Future - Katie Herzig
Good Girl - Carrie Underwood
Lollipop - Mika
Gonna Get Over You - Sara Bareillis
My Body - Young the Giant (this is the song I listen to towards the end of my workout to keep me motivate to keep going)
Hey Mama - Mat Kearney
Break Your Heart Taio Cruz
Payphone- Maroon 5 (make sure you get the edited version of this song ;)
Dog Days are Over - Florence and the Machine
Called Out in the Dark - Snow Patrol
Someone Like You - Keith Urban
Everybody Talks - Neon Trees
Umbrella - Rihanna
Blame it on the Girls - Mika
Who Knew - Pink
Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap
Shake it - Metro Station
Hips Don't Lie - Shakira
Soul Meets Body - Death Cab for Cutie
If I Never See Your Face Again - Maroon 5 with Rihanna
Ships in the Night - Mat Kearney
Here (In Your Arms)- HelloGoodbye

I would love to hear what some of your favorite workout songs are too so I can add some of them to my list! 

The Journey

Last week after our workout, a friend of mine gave me this piece of paper with the following saying on it to help keep us motivated and remind us what it will take to be successful on our weight loss journey and I thought I would share it with you:

It will hurt.

It will take time.

It will require dedication.

It will require willpower.

You will need to make healthy decisions.

It requires sacrifice.

You will need to push your body to its max.

There will be temptation.

But, I promise you, when you reach your goal, it’s worth it!

I took that piece of paper and hung it up on the wall in my room so I can see it every day as a little reminder of what I have to do and to stick with things.  The other day when I was having a hard time motivating myself to get to the gym, I sent a text to one of my friends for some support and her message back to me was "You can do it.  Read the paper Jen gave us "... as I read through that paper it was all I needed to encourage me to get my butt into the gym. 

I know this journey we are on is going to take a long time, and like this quote says.. a lot of sacrifice.. but I know in the end, it will be worth it!  Thank you Jen and Beth for your motivation this week!  I needed it. 

I have made sign with this saying on it, so if you would like to print it out for yourself,

 just click the link below:

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B2MVL2xrU-5sRmNQWXRHQmc1clk

The compulsive planner in me

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail"

So, I am a list maker... shocking I know.. but I love to make "To Do" list and cross each item off as I do it.  Yes, I am a nerd like that, but I find that it really helps me stay focused, and to be able to celebrate accomplishments.  Along with being a list maker, I am also an obsessive "planner".  Again, no surprise by those who know me.   I compulsively start each with with a "To Do" list for both home and work, along with a menu plan for the week.  I even plan out my social events.. I like to know by Tuesday or Wednesday that I will have some fun plans for the weekend, I don't necessarily need to have planed out what I will be doing on the weekend, but more like just have the security of knowing I will have something fun to do on my days off.  Weird... I know!  I am finding that this quirky planning skill I have is coming in handy with my goal of trying to be healthy.  I love recording when I go to the gym, and planning out my menu each week and creating shopping lists.  I once heard long ago a quote that has stuck with me.. "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail", and I have found it to be pretty accurate.   If I don't plan on going to the gym, it is just way to easy to find something else to do in it's place.  If I don't plan out what I will be eating for the week, it is all to easy to order take out or snack all day long.  One thing that I have really loved about my gym (Planet Fitness) is that I can have someone else come along with me, and I am finding that using the buddy system with exercise has really motivated me to go.  I actually have looked forward to going to the gym just so I can see my friends... crazy huh.  I have also found that going with people can motivate me to work harder and longer instead of just going through the motions when I am by myself.  So, thank you friends who count on me to be at the gym with you!  You have made working out so much more fun!   So, I have come up with a couple of forms that have helped me plan and track out my workouts and menu.  I am not sure how to attach them to this post, but I am giving it a try... so

Click here for my Workout Plan/Tracker form:
https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B2MVL2xrU-5sRUFvalZvUTRMbFE

And Click here for my Menu Plan/Shopping List form:
https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B2MVL2xrU-5sTFhhb2dJcDBvYm8

In the Beginning..

Welcome to my blog!  This May I turned 40 years old!  Yep, you heard me, the big 4-0!  Turning 40 has really made me take a look at my life and some of the things I am happy with, and some of the things I am not so happy with.  One of the things I am the least happy about is my weight, and how I have let my weight define me, including what I can do and what I can't.  Basically, I have let my weight limit me.  Does this sound familiar to anyone else?  I have always been the "funny fat friend", the one you call when you need cheering up, a night out on the town, a good laugh, a delicious meal.  I have been the "eternal" best friend to many a single man, the supportive friend to others trying to make changes in their life and the comic relief to those going through tough times... and I love that about me, and all of that brings me joy beyond measure, however, it also makes me sad at times.  Throughout the years I have watched several of my friends succeed, and even encouraged them to do so with their weight loss goals, but have not been so encouraging of myself.  Yesterday, I ran into a friend of mine that I haven't seen in about 2 years and I hardly recognized her.  About 2 1/2 years ago this friend was complaining about her weight and I encouraged her to sign up for weight watchers with me.  We went to meetings together for a couple of months, but my life started to get really busy (I was working 2 jobs) and I stopped going and lost contact with her.  Imagine my surprise when I see her 2 years later and 80 lbs.. yes, I said 80 lbs lighter.. she had stuck with weight watchers and made getting healthy her priority, while I had not.  She looks amazing, while I am still in the same place that I have always been... the "funny fat friend", the one who continues to let my weight control and define who I am... well not anymore! 

At the beginning of 2012, I made a resolution that this was the year that I was going to take care of me!  The year I was going to put self improvement first on my list!  The year that I was going to stick with and succeed at something.  Since January, I have made some huge steps with this in some areas... I started seeing a therapist to work on some of my self limiting behaviors, I took control of some situations that I was not happy with at my job, and I signed up for an online dating website (I could write a whole blog on this topic alone) in an effort to meet some single straight guys.  I also did a lot of thinking about getting healthier, but made no real progress, until now.  About 2 months ago I joined a gym and I actually love working out..I just love hanging out and do fun things with friends, or watching my favorite television shows, or doing other things more.  I seem to always have an excuse of why I am not consistent with my gym attendance.  I have even been paying for Weight Watchers online for the past 6 months, however, I have again not followed that plan consistently, but I have had a couple of "wake up calls"in the past month, and I am determined to make my health a priority, and somehow figure out a way to still have fun while losing weight.  This blog is going to be dedicated to that. 

A few weeks ago I went to Baltimore for work and met up with my wonderful friend Anica who I hadn't seen in 4 years.  She and I had a long discussion about how we both felt like we were ready, willing and able to make the changes in our lives we needed to in order to be healthy.  We came up with a plan, which included us holding each other accountable to stick with things, and weekly check ins with each other or what we like to call "our health hotties check in".  I guess like an online support group since we live thousands of miles apart.  In doing all this it got me thinking that maybe setting up a blog could not only help me but others as well.... so here it is.. my blog.  I title the blog "Real Change" since that is what is necessary in my life in order to get to where I want to be...the "healthy thin funny friend".  After the talk that Anica and I that night on the way back to my hotel we randomly stopped to have someone take our picture.  I didn't realize it until later on but in the picture we are standing in front of a boat with the name "Reel Change".  I think that was more than coincidence, considering our conversation that night, and because of that, I have decided to adopt the motto of "Real Change" as I start this new adventure.  I am hoping, no I am planning on that in a year from now, you will see a thinner, healthier Camille, but until then I will keep you updated through the blog on my progress, trials, success, highs and lows.  Keep on checking back in on the blog and feel free to post your encouraging thoughts, tips, ect.  I would love to hear from you all.  Just keep in mind that I am not a professional blogger so there is bound to be a few formatting hiccups along the way!  If you are interested in being a contributer to this blog and joining in on the weight loss journey.. let me know!  The more healthy hotties.. the better!

                             "Reel Change" - the before picture for Anica and I.. June 6, 2012